Justice for Rollins
by amandarollinssvu
Summary: What if Patton came back to seek his revenge on Amanda Rollins? Would her colleagues realize and help her or will it be too late? This is my first fanfiction so any feedback is welcome!
1. Chapter 1

Justice for Rollins

**this is my take on what could have happened after the Forgiving Rollins episode **

**I don't own any SVU characters **

_3 weeks after the Patton trial _

_Amanda walks into the precinct, late, with a huge cup of coffee and sunglasses_

**Chapter 1**

"You're late and it's your first day back," Liv states as she passes Amanda on the way to her office, already annoyed with the younger detective. She doesn't know the full extent of what she went through with Patton.

"Hey Rollins how was your staycation?" Fin asks with a sheepish smile.

"mmm. It was fine," she replies with a slight, secretive nod_. _She repositions her sunglasses and subconsciously scratches at her wrist which doesn't go unnoticed by Fin.

"Hey what's with the glasses slick? You're inside now you can take them off you know." He says suspiciously. A look of fear flashes over her face as she realizes that she has to take her glasses off. Trying to avoid the inevitable, she turned around and sat down at her desk as she took off her glasses.

"Woah! Rollins what happened to your face!?" Nick exclaims as he walks closer to fully see her face. She has a split lip and a right eye as black as night that looks like she tried to cover up with makeup.

"It's nothing. I just got in a fist fight with myself while trying to get dressed yesterday," she evasively says while looking away. This isn't enough to convince Fin but as he's about to say something Liv walks up and tells them,

"Hey, new victim said she was raped in Central Park while she was walking last night. Rollins. You and me are going to the hospital to question her. Fin and Amaro go to the scene." And with that they ended the conversation and left.

Benson and Rollins walk into the hospital in an awkward silence. Olivia had enough and asked,

"So why did you run out of Lindstrom's office?"

"I decided I was fine and I didn't need it," Amanda replied with.

"Amanda you need to deal with what happened. He convinced you to.."

"Hello detectives Ashley Roan, 17, is in room 138 and she already did a rape kit," The nurse interrupted as she walked up.

"Ok. Thank you doctor. Lets go Rollins," said Olivia, pleased to go and meet the victim. Amanda follows her, thankful that she doesn't have to tell Liv anything and reveal another huge secret that no one should ever know about.

Liv and Amanda enter the room and immediately see the damage that the rapist did to her. They feel sickened at the thought of what Ashley must have gone through.

"Hello Ashley I'm detective Benson and this is Detective Rollins nice to meet you," Liv starts with, "Do you mind telling us what happened?"

"I-i was walking home after practice and h-he came up behind me in the park. It was empty, why was no one around?" She looks at the detectives with pleading eyes. Olivia looks at Amanda for support on what to say but she looks incredibly spaced out and her face is slowly crumbling.

"Sweetie no matter what happened just know it's not your fault. It's that bastard who raped you, it's his fault." Liv finishes taking her statement and they leave the hospital.

On the way back to the precinct Liv asks Amanda, "What was that? You didn't say one word to her. Not one word. What's going on with you?" Amanda turns to her and opens her mouth as she contemplates telling Olivia. Liv saw this inner turmoil and took her chance,

"C'mon Amanda you can tell me. I can help!" Amanda opens her mouth again to speak just as her phone buzzes and she jumps. This doesn't go unnoticed by Liv and she also sees Rollins pale immediately.

"Amanda. What is it? What just happened?" Liv asks very concerned. Amanda doesn't answer because she's too busy trying not to cry or throw up all over Liv's car. _How can anyone trust me anymore? They can't know. How can I be an Special Victims detective when I'm such a disgrace? They probably all think I'm a stupid whore. Stupid stupid whore. I deserve this. This is all my fault. _Liv notices that Amanda is going down a dark path in her thoughts so she tried to take her out of it.

"Amanda, honey, where are you? What happened?"

"Nothing. It's nothing. I can handle it by myself. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing," she keeps repeating as to try and convince herself it was true.

"Amanda, Amanda, honey tell me, I can help! Just let me help," Olivia says soothingly.

"There's nothing that I need help with. Sarge can you drop me off here? I'm going to take the rest of the day off. Thank you," Amanda replies curtly. Liv reluctantly drops her off against her better judgement and Rollins starts walking away.

She walks away from Benson's car as fast as humanly possible with her hurting body. She can't wait to get home and release the pressure she's feeling. I hope my team doesn't figure out what happened last night. _They don't need to know that Patton sent his two men to threaten me and knock me around. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I can't wait to get home_. Once she gets home she greets Frannie and walks straight to the bathroom to find what she's looking for. Once she finds her trusty razor she pulls up her sleeve. She hasn't done this in so long and she feels so bad. She cuts into her skin, not deep enough to need stitches of course, and feels some of the pressure release. _Just this once_ she thinks to herself. She cuts in four more spaces just for good measure. Then she sits in her living room nursing her new wound and watches television. She eventually nods off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She jolts awake not knowing why. As she opens her eyes she stares straight into the barrel of a gun with **him **on the other side of it.

"Well hello there darlin'. Long time no see don't you think?"

"Patton? Why are you here? Get out!" She frantically says.

"Well honey I came to see you, isn't that obvious? You know I'm still upset about how you treated me last time I was here and how you ruined my career."

"I didn't.."

"Don't start with that Amanda we all know you did. I don't know why you lied to them though. We both know that you wanted it. You came willingly and you already knew that I don't take no for an answer," he interrupts.

"What do you want?" she whispers so she can barely even hear herself.

"Well I want two things. One, to take my revenge, that'll be fun. Two, to have some fun with you, you know, sexual fun," he says with a smile and a wink.

"Wh-what? No, y-you can't do that. My squad will get you. I'm a de-detective," she manages to stutter out.

"Oh, exactly. You're a detective. You can't tell them this, they already pity you and think of you as a failure. Who lies about being raped and reports it five years later? How can they trust you? They just think of you as the whore you are," he grins from ear to ear. Amanda reaches for her phone but Patton snatches it out of her hand and slaps her face.

"Don't be stupid bitch. They won't help you. They wouldn't believe you over me. They just think of you as a slut who didn't get what she wanted," he says as he throws the phone across the room making the screen crack.

"Please don't do anything. I'll help you get your job back. Please," she pleads.

"No. I don't want that job back now. I'll just stay here and have fun with you instead. Now let's go have some fun bitch," he grabs her arm so forcefully that she knows she'll have bruises. He takes her into the bedroom but she starts fighting back. Kicking him in the balls, she makes a run for it but he catches her and punches her across the face and in the gut many times. He hits her over the head with the butt of his gun which knocks her out.

She wakes up to realize that she's tied to the bed. _No this can't be happening again. Please don't let this happen. If only I could call Nick or Olivia. Wait. No they can't know about this. They wouldn't believe me anyways. God dammit. You're a disgrace Amanda. How can you call yourself a detective? _She looks at the clock and it reads 3:13 A.M. Next she looks down at herself and realizes that she's naked with bruises and a few cuts all over her body. She hears a noise and looks over to see Patton looking at her.

"Look who finally decided to wake up! I already had some fun with you but I can do it again so you can enjoy it with me. But then you'll have to get ready for work, we don't want your Sargent to get worried," he says cockily knowing she won't say anything. He gets up off the chair and comes over to the bed, only then does she realize that he doesn't have any pants on. Amanda starts to struggle but that act is quickly killed when he punched her in the gut.

"Just accept it. You're my Georgia peach I will treat you right. You'll love it," he whispers in her ear. She wants to throw up so bad, she's so nauseous. He gets on top of her and she feels him penetrate into her. She cries silently as this goes on for hours switching between his hands and his penis. She wishes she could pass out or die, anything besides experiencing this. She eventually passes out around 7 but is shaken awake at 8 by her rapist.

"Amanda you need to go to work. I don't need them to be suspicious. We are supposed to have fun for a long time. Can't have that ruined now can we? Of course you need to come up with a lie about how you got these nice bruises on your face. Ouch! They look painful!" He says with a smirk. He helps her up, makes her shower, watches her put on makeup to try and cover up some damage. She leaves at 8:45 thinking about how late she is, how she is going to keep this a secret, and how much she wishes she could just die.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

She walks into the precinct with even bigger sunglasses, a huge hat, and the biggest cup of coffee known to man. She notices that Nick and Carisi are out, which means less prying eyes for now but she knows Liv and Fin will be the hardest to convince. She walks straight to her desk, leaves her accessories on and stares straight at her computer pretending to do her work. Not even a minute later, Fin and Liv walk out of Liv's office and head straight to Amanda's desk.

"Amanda we really need to talk about why you keep coming to work late. Are you gambling again?" Liv asks looking concerned but inside she's pretty sure something else is going on.

"No I'm not! I promise. I'm going to meetings! I promised myself if I ever felt the need or if I did I would call one of you," Amanda stated with absolute sincerity, she really wanted to break her nasty habit.

"Ok Rollins we believe you but why do you keep coming in late? And what's with all of the stuff on your face?" Fin says all big brothery.

"I keep coming in late because Frannie is sick and I have to find someone to take care of her every day. And I just like to have this "stuff" on my face," she says looking down, away from them. She hates lying to them but it's necessary. "Amanda, look at me. I need to make sure you're okay," Fin states firmly.

"I am fine. I promise you. I am," Amanda says getting more frantic and starts scratching her wrist making her whimper. Liv and Fin exchange a look at her small cry and Fin reaches for her face but she flinches away. He tries again, this time slower and gets her face up to them. They both gasp at what they find. Even with the glasses and the hat on they can still see plenty of damage on Amanda's face.

"Amanda what happened!? Who did this to you?! We will get them!" Liv exclaims while Fin is slowly taking her hat and glasses off. Once they're off the detectives are astounded at how bad her face looks. Along with two black eyes, she has a bruise on her forehead, a huge gash on her cheek, and her lip is swollen up to three times its size. It's horrific even with the makeup covering a lot of it. Amanda doesn't answer Liv, she just looks down as a tear escapes and she wipes it away hoping they don't notice. But Liv and Fin do.

"Amanda. You need to tell us what happened," Fin said quietly.

"I-I had to break up a fight between two guys and they were still trying to fight so I got hit by both of them," Amanda stated simply looking them straight in the eye. Neither of them bought it but they had to let it go as Carisi and Amaro walk in.

"Good news Serge we caught Ashley's perp. We need to call up Barba and get to court," Carisi notifies Benson.

"Thanks Carisi, I'll call him right now. Is the rapist still in holding?" Nick answers her with a nod. "Okay good. Keep him there, I'll be in my office. I will tell you guys when I set something up with Barba." She walks into her office and Nick and Sonny turn to Fin and Amanda. Nick opens his mouth as if to say something to Amanda but Fin shook his head quickly. Sonny notices the exchange so he keeps his mouth shut too. They both leave it to talk about later with Fin.

They soon get another crime scene and they all roll out. At the scene they talk to the victim, take the forensics, and get a very descriptive sketch of the perp. Liv pays close attention to Rollins and notices that she has a limp and she is constantly flinching away from the men around her. They are getting ready to leave when Amanda suddenly freezes when she looks at her phone. Fin notices and grabs her wrist trying to get her to talk to him but she cries out and cradles her wrist. Liv immediately runs over and bends down to inspect her wrist. Pulling her sleeve up, she sees the cuts on Amanda's arm and instantly grows, if even possible, more concerned. Fin sees too and his heart shatters into a million pieces as he realizes that his partner is hurting even more than they thought.

"Why Amanda? Why do this to yourself?" He whispers.

The car ride back is tense and awkward between Nick, Fin, and Rollins. Fin had enough and decided to confront her about what is going on.

"Amanda what's going on? The bruises are new but those cuts are definitely a few days older and you have really old scars. How long have you been doing this?" Fin asks, "I'm not only your partner Amanda, I'd like to think of myself as your extremely close friend. You can tell us anything. We won't judge you we just want to help. Why? That's all I want to know."

"I only did it once to see what it was like. I'm fine Fin. Ya'll can leave it alone."

"What was the text message then?" Nick asks. He notices that Amanda gets fidgety and starts breathing very fast just at the mention of the text.

"It was nothing don't worry." She replies.

"Are you gambling again? Cause if you are we-"

"I'M NOT GAMBLING IM FINE JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" She replies. They all are shocked into being quiet the rest of the ride to the precinct. By the time they get back their shifts are over and Amanda turns down their offers of getting a drink and bringing her home. Right before she leaves Benson informs everyone that Barba will be in the next day. She goes home ready for another night of her living hell. But when she gets home she is surprised to see that Patton is not alone. He has a friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Well hello there honey, how was work? Did you look forward to coming home tonight?" Patton questioned. Amanda just stands there frozen in shock. She doesn't know what to do or how to get out of this.

"Awe the poor peach, she looks so scared doesn't she Reynolds?" Patton says scarily while raising an eyebrow to his subordinate.

"Ya. I don't think she expected to see me again," They both laugh. They didn't notice that while they were conspiring with each other, Amanda had gotten her phone out and scooted towards the front door. She dials the one person she could think of at that moment but unfortunately her phone makes a noise. The room goes dead silent as Patton and Reynolds turn to stare at her.

"You bitch," Reynolds hisses quietly trying to not be heard by whoever might be on the other end of the phone. She tries to run out the door but Patton grabs her and rams her into the wall.

On the other side of town, Nick is about to sit down for dinner when his phone starts ringing. "Ugh I really hope this isn't about work," he complains. He looks at the screen and realizes it's Amanda. He's wondering what she's doing calling him, she hasn't done that since their fight in the bar. He slowly picks up his phone and answers the call. All he hears is some scuffling and then the phone turns off. He figures she just butt dialed him so he doesn't think much of it. He goes back to his dinner.

Amanda sighs in defeat as they take her phone and turn it off. 'Well it was worth a try' she thinks to herself.

"That was a stupid move blondy. You're gonna be sorry about that," Patton yells curling his fists into a ball. She doesn't respond. All she can think about is how much she wishes to die and how much she hates her life.

"Let's get started Amanda," Reynolds sneers. They are taking hours and hours assaulting her. One is penetrating her as the other runs his hands over her body. They are showing her no mercy and she finally passes out from the nightmare that is her life.

When she wakes up, she can't move without pain. As she looks around she realizes that Patton and Reynolds have left so she is alone. She looks at the clock. '_Ugh it's 9:35 already? Great so I'm gonna be late again_.' She whines to herself. She drags herself out of bed and hobbles to the shower. Turning it to the highest temperature, she stands in the scalding water hoping to remove any traces of her attackers. '_I'm not gonna cry. I can't cry it'll all fall apart if I do. I won't cry._' She repeats as some sort of mantra to herself. She scrubs her body raw trying to forget about what happened. Once she gets out of the shower she looks in the mirror and realizes how bad her face looks, they had hit her over the face and choked her repeatedly. She tries to cover it up with makeup and not think about how much she hates herself. She looks in the cabinet to try to find a pill to dull the pain and ease the swelling and right next to the bottle is her razor. '_Amanda you can't do this. Fin will notice. You promised yourself to only do it that one time'_ she argues with herself. Eventually her need to feel something besides the pain of her abuse wins and she cuts the same spots as the previous cuts and hopes that Fin won't notice. On the way out she notices a note from Patton stating that he will be home for dinner and to get some Chinese. She leaves feeling as though she will never get out of the damned life she lives.

As she drives to the precinct she realizes that she hasn't eaten since yesterday's lunch with the crew so she stops at her regular place. She orders her food in the drive thru and eats it on the way to the precinct. Once she gets there and realizes what she's going to have to do today, pretend that everything is ok even though it's not, she throws up everything she ate. Getting even more nervous just sitting there, she gets out of her car and walks towards the station trying her best to not show the pain she is in by just moving.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

As she walks in she sees Barba talking to Benson and immediately shuts down. Barba's the only one that knows her full story. _'He wouldn't tell her would he? He promised not to. Oh my gosh you are so stupid you stupid stupid little whore. Stop focusing on yourself. He is here for Ashley. Olive told you that you stupid ignorant slut.' _She criticizes herself. The sight of him still makes her very uncomfortable and feel like her world is crashing down around her though. As they are coming out Amanda realizes that she's been standing in the middle of the hall for the better half of 2 minutes now and she needs to move. She tries to hurry to her desk but before she gets there, she is stopped by the ADA.

"Hello Amanda. How have you been?" Barba asks casually not having seen her face yet. She doesn't reply. Just looks straight ahead as if she didn't hear him and he's not sure that she did. Feeling as if something is wrong, Barba slowly walks around to the front of the blonde haired detective and gasps so loud that the officers around them stop what they are doing. The woman that he sees standing before him is not the Amanda Rollins that he knows and has grown to love as a friend. This woman is broken, battered, and looks down right horrible. Her eyes are blank, void of emotion, holding back the demons that he knows lie in her head.

"Amanda?" He starts quietly, "It's Rafael. Rafael Barba? Are you okay? What happened?" She continues to stay into this state until he touches her. Then. She. Can't. Breathe.

Rafael doesn't understand what is happening when she suddenly flinches back from his touch and starts hyperventilating. He realizes that it's much worse than he thought. She gets louder and louder and her eyes are filled with panic and while this is horrible for Barba to see, he is glad to see some sort of emotion. Just then Olivia walks out and realizes that her young detective is in trouble.

"AMANDA! Amanda it's Olivia honey I need you to calm down. Breathe with me. Everything is fine. Follow my breathing," She calmly tells Rollins. She breathes in, counts to three, then breathes out, smiling when she sees Amanda doing the same. After a few minutes Amanda is calm enough again to function chastising herself for freaking out and letting them know something is up.

"Thank you Olivia I don't know what just happened," Amanda stated surprised at how even and calm her voice sounded, "Must have been my asthma coming back. Better find my inhaler." Amanda tries to play it off and goes to her desk. Olivia knows that she is lying but lets her be for now. She motions to Barba to follow her into her office and closes the door.

"BARBA WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED OUT THERE!?" She practically yells at her friend. Barba goes on to tell her and they go about pondering what could be going on with their comrade.

While Olivia and Rafael are contemplating Amanda's mental state, Fin and Nick walk in. Amanda tries to ignore them but can't as Fin walks over to her desk. "Show me." He simply orders.

"Show you what?" She asks confused as to what he's saying.

"Show me your wrists Amanda," he states again firmly.

"Why? I told you. I only did it that one time," She hurries in saying.

"Then you won't have a problem showing them to me so I can make sure. Listen Amanda. As long as you refuse to tell me what's going on, I'm going to check on you day and night so you better be ready," He simply tells her. He moves closer to grab her wrists and she panics. He sees the fear in her eyes and stops moving but won't give up on seeing her wrists. He slowly moves his arm to her right wrist and pulls up the sleeve only to see fresh marks and he looks up to see her face contorted in fear. He lets go and sits at his desk unsure of how to talk to his partner. All he can do is look into Olivia's office and give her a look that she returns. The look that lets each other know that Amanda is not okay.

Amanda is quiet the rest of the day and it doesn't go unnoticed by the squad that her injuries are worse and that she skips lunch. Fin asks Amanda out to get a beer saying that the whole team will join them. She declines, knowing that she's supposed to get dinner for Patton and possibly Reynolds and she'll get in trouble if she comes home late, but Fin doesn't let her get out of it. They meet up with the rest of the crew at their normal bar and see that they already ordered Rollins and Fin some drinks. As they sit and goof around Liv notices that Amanda keeps twitching like she's in pain by sitting and she flinches every time Carisi makes a hand gesture. She's watching Amanda as she scans the room when the detective freezes and becomes three shades paler. Liv follows Rollins' gaze across the room and swears that she sees Patton before her line of vision is compromised by the waitress. Liv hopes she is hallucinating but judging by the look on Amanda's face, she thinks she actually saw him. As she's about to ask Amanda about it, there are shots. And everyone drops to the ground. Well everyone except for Amanda who didn't have the chance...


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Olivia lifts her head to see Amanda's feet being pulled away from her. "NO! STOP! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!? YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR FILLED WITH POLICEMEN!" Olivia screams at Patton as she sees him pulling her away. Amanda is stuck in a shocked state, not really realizing what is going on until she hears Olivia's screams and tries to break free. It is at this moment that Patton pulls out his gun, pushes it directly into her temple, and she freezes in fear. "IF ANYONE, AND I DO MEAN ANYONE, MAKES ONE MOVE TOWARDS US WHILE WE LEAVE I WILL SHOOT HER IN THE HEAD AND END HER PRETTY LITTLE LIFE!" Patton yells at every person in the room, and they believe him. Patton slowly backs out of the bar and hops into a black town car that was clearly waiting for him.

Once they are gone, Fin, Olivia, and Nick sit in shock wondering what their friend had been going through while Carisi was stepping up and trying to get everyone moving. They had to form a search party and they couldn't do it from the bar. They slowly make their way out of the bar but once outside they all snapped into focus and rushed to the station. They spend hours on hours searching for her, whether out on the street or in the station thinking of where else they could be and searching signals. After about seven hours of strenuous work with no reward it was getting obvious that the personal aspect of the case was getting more to the detectives than normal. Olivia told Fin and Amaro to rest for at least an hour, but they refused saying something could happen any minute.

Meanwhile on the other side of town Patton had brought Amanda to a bunker that he had prepared beforehand.

"You will never get away with this Patton, my whole team is probably looking for me right now," Amanda spits at her captor.

"My peach you are so naive. No one is looking for you. They know that you are where you belong, with me, getting what you deserve. You are a whore who deserves to be punished for her sins. They aren't looking for you, THEY HATE YOU. YOU IDIOTIC SLUT," He screams at Rollins. "I have had this set up for years Amanda, years. I was going to do this before you put me on trial and held me accountable for what you wanted. YOU LIED TO EVERYONE AND RUINED MY LIFE! But to be honest, I've been obsessed with you since you stepped in our precinct... Detective Taymor was just me trying to recreate what you and I had, but she wasn't the same. So what I had planned before will still happen, but along with our love will have to be punishment because you disobeyed me and tried to get me sent away. If I got sent away we wouldn't have our week of love followed by a life of being enjoyed by each others company. The punishment won't last as long as a lifetime though, I really do need you to fall in love with me." Amanda doesn't even know what to say she is so speechless. _How are they ever going to find me? I'm probably hidden so well that it would take my team forever to find me if they even searched incredibly hard. Just face it Amanda, they won't try that hard, they hate you, you only cause problems for them. They will probably search for two hours and be done. You deserve it anyways you whore. _She thinks to herself. He is completely unstable, he keeps switching back and forth between screaming at her and caressing her face. As he comes up to try and give her a kiss, she tries to squirm away but is constricted by the ropes around her wrists which only deserves her a slap on the face.

"YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU DIDN'T DO THAT BITCH!" He growls at her and continues to start ripping off her clothes.

"Please. Please don't. Not again. Please. I beg you. Please anything else. Please," She begs as he continues to assault.

"This is the only thing I want from you Amanda. You're slight curves and beautiful face is all I need to get by in life. I'm so obsessed with your boobs and oh my god you are always so tight. I just love it. You're all I need to survive and I have this house paid off with plenty of food for us to never have to leave again," He states proudly but Amanda realized something that he didn't and hoped her team did too.

Back at the precinct, Olivia had just gotten off of the phone with Cragen and Munch who were speeding their way towards the precinct, way faster than legal. Fin walks in and Olivia notices that Amaro is not with him.

"Fin? Where's Nick?" she questions.

"Oh, he's coming up," He says with a grim face. Just then, Amaro walks dragging Reynolds by his hair.

"I caught this bastard trying to escape out of town! How much do you want to bet that he was with Patton!?" He practically yells at the whole office. He carries him to the interrogation room and ambushes him with questions.

Later in the day, they finally realize that Patton had planned this for years and that Reynolds was involved in one night of this "plan" that Patton had.

"Haul his ass to prison and hope he dies in there," Fin growls at Barba.

"I have no problem with that Fin. Get her. As soon as possible," Barba says pleadingly, "By the way, you have warrants for anything and everything straight from the judge." Just then Cragen and Munch come running in and go straight to Liv's office.

"Do you guys have anything on her whereabouts?" Cragen asks so out of breath.

"No but we did just learn that he has been planning this for years, so it will be much more complicated than we thought," Liv whines to her elder detectives.

"Well then he should have some property in New York right? Maybe he made a mistake and used his own name, not being careful enough," Munch states, as always being the smartest in the room. Liv immediately gets on her computer and searches for any property belonging to Patton.

"Munch you are a genius! We found it!" Liv exclaims.


	7. Chapter 7

_**I am so sorry for not updating this as soon as I should have, I had some personal issues. Also this chapter is really short but I should be able to get yall a better and longer one in a couple of days. Thanks so much for reading! ~Amanda**_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Amanda wakes up to be tied to a different table. This one is cold and hard and she believes it is metal. She frantically tries to get up but soon realizes that the way she is tied down means that she can't move more than a few inches. Looking around she also sees that she is in a different room, one that seems to be in the middle of nowhere. No windows. No light. No anything. All of the sudden Patton comes in looking frazzled.

"What's going o-" she starts, only to be cut off by Patton.

"Shut up you stupid bitch unless you want me to include some of your friends in our little fun," He says with a sly smile which immediately and effectively shuts her up. They soon hear noises that seem to be coming from outside the house and as Amanda goes to scream Patton gags her and starts undressing her.

"If they're gonna find us, they are at least gonna see you as the filthy slut you are," he whispered in her ear maliciously.

Liv and the team meet up at the address and just pray that Amanda happens to be there.

"Nick! You're with me! Fin and Carisi you go around the back! Let's be stealthy and pay close attention to detail! We are getting her out of here alive and well!" Liv basically screams at everyone, desperate to find her colleague and make up for what she did not realize earlier.

They sneak into the house each checking each room thoroughly. Olivia can hear "Clear" being said all around her causing her to get more and more discouraged. As they were about to leave Olivia thinks she hears muffled yelling and stops everyone.

"What was that?" she questions everyone.

"Liv, there was no sound. Come on you're imagining things. Let's go," Nick says defeatedly. But then everyone hears a louder yell and freezes.

"Where the hell is that coming from!? We checked _every single room,_" Fin says with absolute certainty.

"Everyone spread out! Look on the floors, the walls, the ceilings, hidden rooms, anything you can think of! We are not losing her to this fucking bastard!" Liv whisper-yells. They spread out, each triple checking what they already looked at. Everyone but Liv, Nick, Carisi, and Fin dejectedly start to leave again blaming the noise on some kind of animal. Once they left the team unanimously and quietly decided to act as if they had left too, not making any noises at all. They soon hear a click coming from the floor of the room they were standing in.

Patton looks around through a crack in the floorboard only to still see that Liv, Nick, and Fin are still standing there, just waiting for him to come out and make a mistake. He closes the crack of the floorboard and goes back to his slave, oblivious to the creak that the wood made.

Liv looks at the two men incredulously then proceeds to kneel to the ground ever so slowly followed by her comrades. They search every inch of the floor and Liv finally spots the one thing that she feels Amanda's life depends on, the door to the bunker. They each give each other a look that signals that they are ready, Nick flings the hatch open, and they jump down into the hell hole that was created personally for Amanda. They are not prepared for the sight they see...


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG you guys I am sooooo sorry! I totally had this chapter uploaded and forgot to post it! Then I had a family death so things got hectic. Thank you so much for the reviews and follows love ya'll 3**

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**Chapter 8**

He is the first one in. He is the first one that sees what is happening. He is the one who stops dead in his tracks for a moment, shocked by the sight. He is also the first to lunge at the bastard who is holding her captive.

"Get the hell away from her you filthy son of a bitch!" Fin screams as he wraps his hands around the vile man's neck. Fin automatically throws Patton against the wall as Liv and Nick attempt to get to Amanda

"She's mine! She will always be mine! Get that through your incompetent pea sized brains! She can't run fast enough, hide well enough, or fight hard enough to escape me! Put me in jail, I will always break free and get to her! Have her in 24 hour surveillance and I will get through them! That whore is never going to be safe again! Ever!" Patton screams to the room at the top of his lungs. Olivia and Nick both glance towards Amanda hoping that she didn't hear Patton's little speech but her eyes are closed so they couldn't tell you. After Patton's rant, Fin hit him in the jaw with the butt of his gun, effectively knocking him out.

Liv and Nick start towards Amanda cautiously, not wanting to startle her. They untie her ankles but when they go to uncuff her wrists they realize they don't have the key. Trying to spare his colleague of further humiliation, Nick throws his jacket over her broken and bruised body.

"Fin, go and find a bolt cutter or something to get the horrific things off of her," Liv orders him. After he leaves, Olivia and Nick share a look and realize that they need to call a bus, but as they go to they hear a murmur come from Amanda.

"No. No bus. No bus. Leave me alone. Please just let me die." She whispers so quiet that her colleagues barely hear her. They then realize that she has fainted and they go over to check her. They start at her feet and work up making sure that nothing is broken. They mostly just see cuts and bruises but Nick's eyes catch on something that makes his heart stop.

"Olivia… you have to see this…" he says bringing his eyes up to meet hers with a blank expression. Her eyes trail up to where he pointed.

"Oh Amanda... what did he do to you?" She reaches down to trace what she sees on the young woman's arm and side. Both of the detectives gaze at each other with the most sorrowful look in their eyes. They both jump at a noise they hear from behind them fearing that it's Patton, but it turns out to be Fin.

"Here I found these. I hope they work..." he says quietly holding out some pliers towards Nick. Nick works on removing the cuffs from her body, gently touching her skin, while Liv tries to get Amanda to respond and Fin keeps his eye on Patton. Nick gets one cuff off of her wrist when they hear her groan. She flips towards Nick trying to hit him in the face.

"Please get away! Please! I can't stand this anymore!" she whines.

"Amanda! Amanda! Please listen to me. It's Liv, you're safe. You're safe..." She sighs.

"I'm not safe, I'll never be safe!" she cries out. Liv grabs a hold of Amanda's arm and holds it down so that Nick can get the other one out. Once he releases her she crawls as far away from the detectives as possible, ending up in the corner.

"Please, please don't... please don't..." she whispers. Liv takes a step forward towards Amanda with her hands out which causes Amanda to jump and try to scoot back more. She groans in pain and falls to the ground. The young woman starts crying and Liv slowly walks towards her with her hands out, thinking that Nick going would only distress her.

"Amanda, sweetie, we are here to help you," Olivia says with her specially reserved victims voice.

"You can't," Amanda whispers, barely audible.

"What did you say Amanda?" Liv questions.

"You can't. You can't help me. He has me. He will always have me. There's no escape." She cries out scared to death.

"Amanda we have him, he can't do anything to you anymore. We won't let him," Liv says trying to console her.

"He'll get free and come back. I'm his claimed property. I belong to him. I'm never safe. Never," she whines, her strength deteriorating. She tries to hug herself closer but winces as her hand hits the marks on her side. She stares at them horrified.

"Amanda. AMANDA!" She says a little louder trying to get her attention, "What happened there? Do you want to tell us?" Amanda just shakes her head no.

"Well do you want some clothes so we can go somewhere else safe?" Liv pleads. Realizing that they won't just leave her there, Amanda reluctantly nods her head and Olivia grabs the extra pair of clothes that she brought for the young woman.

"They will probably be too big because they are mine… Do you want me to help?" Olivia asks seeing the young detective's pain and discomfort. Amanda nods her head yes and Liv tells the men to turn around. As she is helping Amanda, she hears her mutter something. Listening closer, Liv realizes what Rollins is saying.

"Why save me? I don't deserve help. I'm just a dirty, worthless, good for nothing whore. I deserve what he gives me. He's right." Which makes Liv want to cry even more for her friend and worry even more about her state of mind after this recent attack. The other detective's just look at each other wondering how she'll get through this and, most importantly, why she had blood all over her side an arm from the marks that were unreadable with the blood over them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay guys so since I took so long on the last update, I just made a quick little chapter. Hope its good enough until I can get a good Ch 10 up! Thanks! **

**-Amanda **

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**Chapter 9**

Liv gets her colleague dressed and is slowly pulling her to her feet when they hear something. All three detectives make a circle around their partner, sensing her dread at the unknown intruders.

"Liv? Fin? Nick? Are any of you guys here? Munch is with me!" They hear a man's voice ask loudly, making Amanda cringe.

"Cragen! We are down here!" Liv says loudly, careful not to yell seeing that it scared the harmed detective. Liv thanks god that they are here, hoping that Amanda's special connection with Cragen will help and that they can help with that son of a bitch Patton. They slowly come down into the bunker, careful not to make any sudden movements.

"Amanda? It's Munch and Cragen. We are here to help," Munch says delicately. Amanda sits there, any form of recognition not visible.

"She is shutting down right now. Not talking or recognizing any of us. We were about to take her somewhere else that's safe but we didn't know how to handle that bastard over there," Liv states.

"Damn. He's knocked out cold. Who did that?" Munch asks. Fin takes a small step forward, bows his head, and embarrassingly raises his hand a small bit.

"That would be me. Hit him with the butt of my gun and he went down," he says sheepishly with a chuckle. It doesn't go unnoticed by Fin that Amanda smirks a little bit and scoots closer to him which elates him. He turns to her.

"Amanda? You wanna come with me, Liv, and someone else so we can go someplace safe?" He asks giving her a choice of the last person so she feels in control, which he knows is important in her situation. She looks at him for a long thirty seconds then scans the room looking at the other detectives. She slowly lifts her hand and points at Cragen which breaks Nick's heart.

Just as she starts reaching out to grab Fin's hand, Patton shifts, his head slowly coming off of the ground, which goes unnoticed by the detectives. Amanda sees this and snaps back to her reality, the one where Patton is always present and she's never safe. She backs herself into the corner as Patton slowly raises himself up off of the floor. The detectives are too busy worrying what just happened to make Amanda recede back into herself once more that they only notice him when he lunges at Amanda and punches her squarely in the face. Nick and Munch, being the closest to them, wrench him off of her and throw them to the ground.

"Bitch! What are you doing!? You know you can't leave! It's against the rules! You know that! Now you'll have to be punished!" He screams at her while fighting against the men.

"I know that! I do! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again. I promise. Just, please don't hurt me again. Don't punish me," She pleads, trying to get even further away.

"Get him out of here now!" Cragen yells at his former employees. They drag him out, still screaming profanities at Amanda, and throw him in the squad car.

Fin looks at Amanda and sees the fear in her eyes.

"Amanda, honey (she flinches at that word), c'mon let's get you cleaned up and away from this mess of a place." She takes his hand reluctantly and they walk out the door. The real problem starts when they try to get into the car.

"NO! Not again!" She screams.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys thank you so much for all of the reviews and stuff! So all the parts that are in _Itallics is Amanda thinking to herself :)_**

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**Chapter 10**

Liv and Cragen rush towards the small group of two to see what is making their fragile friend so scared. They are very confused to see Amanda clinging to Fin, instead of trying to get away, and crying.

"Please. Please don't let me go. Don't let him take me again. Don't let him drive me away from ya'll again," She sits and cries, holding Fin in a death grip.

"Don't worry Amanda, I won't let you go. I won't let him take you away from us. Never again," he says the last part mostly to himself, swearing that he would do whatever was in his power to protect his "little sister". He slowly picks her up and sits in the back seat with her still on his lap. She seems to still be nervous so Liv and Cragen waste no time starting the car and driving off. Cragen goes fairly fast but not fast enough to make Amanda feel as if they were being chased like Patton was. He just really wants to get away from that hell hole.

They arrive at the precinct but tell Amanda and Fin to stay in the car for awhile. Liv and Cragen clear everyone out from their floor so no one will crowd around Amanda and make her uncomfortable. They go back out to find her asleep but still clinging to Fin as if he is her lifeline, which he probably is. They all carry her upstairs, careful not to wake her up.

"We should let her rest. I'm sure she barely got any these past few days." They lay her on the couch in Olivia's office, letting her sleep.

_A few hours later_

Olivia walks into her office to check on Amanda and notices her struggling in her sleep. She goes to nudge her when she finds a pool of blood seeping out around her stomach and calls Fin in.

"Should we bring her to the hospital?" he questions.

"No. Tamara is coming. She will be much more comfortable wi-" Olivia gets interrupted by a Amanda emitting a blood curdling scream.

"AMANDA!? Amanda! Wake up! Wake up!" Fin nudges her and yells.

"Fin. Stop yelling at her! Only scares and distresses her even more! Just hold her hand and quietly say soothing words to her," She tells him. They both gently grab a hand, Olivia rubbing her thumb over Amanda's knuckles.

"C'mon Amanda, calm down It's just us. You're safe now," Olivia coos. She slowly calms down and wakes up squinting at her audience.

Her eyes open wide, her mouth forming an "O" as if she just realizes what had happened.

_Oh my god. They took me away from him. I'm gonna be punished even more now. I don't want that. Please, god, no. _She looks down at herself and realizes that she's not in her own clothes.

'_Shit. They saw what was happening. Now they know how dirty and disgusting I am. God dammit, they aren't gonna want me anymore. It makes sense though, I don't deserve love or care. They must've seen-'_

"Amanda? Come back," Liv gets her attention and continues, "Please don't go down that dark path. We love you. We will always love you no matter what has happened or what will happen in the future okay? Always. We love you… you understand?" Amanda nods her head but avoids Liv's eyes so it's not convincing to anyone.

'_She doesn't mean that. She just has to say that. I'm just another victim to them now. I'll be pitied from everyone now, never taken seriously as a detective ever again. They'll never believe me about anything ever again either because they know that I lied to them. They know I'm a dirty little liar. I don't deserve any love or support from them. Patton was right, I should just go back to him. Everyone would be better off. I'm just a responsibility of the state and __**THEIR **__unit now. A dumb whore.' _

"Amanda. Sweetie, Tamara's coming," Olivia says, hope showing on her face, "She can check out her injuries for you. Then maybe we can take your statement for Barba's case?" At the mention of Barba's name Amanda's head snaps up.

"Barba?" Olivia nods her head.

"Can he come here now?" Amanda asks. She would never admit it but she has become quite fond of the man, thinking of him as a close friend. Olivia is taken aback at this but agrees thinking it might help with Tamara. She calls him.

"Barba."

"Hello Rafael, it's Olivia."

"Yes Olivia, I realize this. That would be the amazing power of caller ID," he says sarcastically.

"Ha-Ha," Olivia says sarcastically back, "Listen. It's about Amanda. We found her and she's requesting your presence." Not even a millisecond later they hear him moving about, "I'll be there in no more than ten." He hangs up his phone and sprints out the door. He is not going to leave his newly found friend hanging. He tries to mentally prepare himself for what Amanda might look or act like but he knows that there is no preparing for that kind of torture. He walks into the station, goes up the stairs, and takes a deep breath outside of Olivia's office door.

He walks in and finds Amanda zoned out, staring at her hands. He clears his throat and is pleasantly surprised when she looks up with hope in her eyes. He slowly walks over to the couch and gestures towards it as if to ask if he can sit down on it. She looks at him, her eyes conflicted, and nods once. Barba slowly sits on the couch fairly far away from her but holds out his hands. Amanda slowly reaches her hand out and places it inside his. He wraps his hands around his tiny, frail one and places them on his lap.

"You know, Amanda, I was wondering when I would have the honor of sitting next to you, your majesty," he says with a slight smirk that only grows bigger when he notices her trying to fight off her own smile. Olivia stares on in astonishment, amazed at the big difference Barba has made in being there in the last few minutes. She motions to Fin and they decide to let them be until Tamara arrives.

"Wow. Since when did they become such close friends?"

"I think since she trusted him enough to tell him her story and he didn't betray her by judging her or telling anyone. He made her feel safe," Olivia replies. Nick and Munch arrive and practically drag Patton by his hair into the holding/interrogation cell. Cragen glances towards the office, glad to see that Barba held Amanda's attention meaning that she didn't notice her captor come in.

Someone clears her throat and all of the detectives turn around.

"Oh hey Tamara. How's it going?"

"Munch. Nice to see you," She replies.

"Amanda's in there with Rafael. He's keeping her calm," Olivia informs her.

"Okay. He can stay in there if he wants but I would like for you to be in there too."

"I was already planning on it," Olivia answers with a slight smile. They make their game plan and walk in the door.

"Hello Amanda," Tamara says cautiously but Amanda doesn't reply.

"Amanda?" She tries again and steps closer to the frightened girl which causes her to flinch and lean towards Rafael.

"It's okay Amanda, she's here to help. Trust me. I'm your friend so you can trust me right?" He says to which she nods. He crosses his legs keeping her hand in his, trying to keep himself relaxed for Amanda's benefit, but her posture remains stiff Rafael nods at Tamara, silently telling her to begin.

"So Amanda, let's start…"she starts calmly.

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**So I have a question for everyone. For ships what do ya'll want? **

**Would ya'll rather have a Rafanda relationship or Rollaro relationship? **

**Whichever one isn't chosen I will make a friendship! Thanks guys! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Tamara starts by slowly moving towards the young woman thinking about how weird it is to see the strong, stubborn detective be so breakable.

"Amanda. First I'm going to check your injuries to make sure that there is nothing seriously wrong, okay? Do you want to start at the top or the bottom?" Amanda points to her toes, "Okay. Front or back?" Amanda hesitates but then points to her back with conflicted eyes. Olivia wonders what is wrong with her back just now realizing that she never saw it. Olivia and Barba share a nervous glance with each other.

"Amanda, do you want me to stay in here or leave for this?" Barba questions, "I'll be in here to take your statement so you don't have to say it more than once today."

"No. Please. Stay in here," she pleads while realizing that he has let go of her hand in anticipation of leaving.

"Can I hold your hand while she does it?" she asks timidly.

"Of course Amanda! What are friends for?" He says, which makes her look hopefully at him, but the hope turns into despair in her eyes.

"You don't mean that. No one wants to be my friend. I'm horrible and disgusting, why would anyone want that," She says tilting her head down to use her hair as a shield. Rafael reaches his hand out and slowly lifts her head up to him.

"You are NOT horrible and disgusting. I don't ever want to hear you say that. Ever. We love you, all of us. And for the record I think it would be an honor to be your friend. You could help me become strong and brave. Just like you. So, yes, I do mean that. I very sincerely want to be your friend," He says, his eyes not leaving hers for even a millisecond. Olivia and Tamara look on in awe at Barba's ability to calm her down and make her believe.

"Thanks," she whispers.

Outside, Fin and Cragen keep an eye on Patton, not risking him getting away again. Nick glances in nervously and feels a twang of jealously at how close Amanda and Barba seem. He's wondering why she feels more comfortable with Barba than him. Just then a thought pops into his head.

'_What if she hates me? I failed to protect her. I failed to see that something was wrong after knowing him for three fucking years! She probably believes that I forced her into having sex with me. Pressured her. Oh my god. What have I done? I'm a horrible person!'_

"Nick! We are going to bring this bastard down to the holding cell. It's too late for him to be questioned and Amanda still needs to make her statement. We'll get him tomorrow," Fin says with a strong conviction.

Amanda slowly starts getting out of her clothes, choosing to leave the shirt on for now. Once she is out of her sweats she grips back on to Rafael's hand.

"Amanda, sweetie, you do realize you'll have to do a rape kit right?" Olivia asks quietly.

"Yes. Can we just check my legs first though?" She asks nervously.

"Sure Amanda, whatever you want," Tamara answers. She slowly looks over her legs, "Okay. There aren't any brakes but your foot looks very sprained and there are burns of some kind. It looks near impossible to walk on Amanda, I don't know how you did it. I really don't," She says with a sigh and a look of awe. She looks up to see Amanda zoning out again and gives Barba a look.

He taps her on the nose and says, "Hey cutie, come back." She looks at him sadly then moves her eyes back towards Tamara.

"Can we do the rape kit now Amanda? I don't know for sure if we can get Reynold's DNA but we can for sure get Patton's. (Amanda shakes her head) What?" asks Tamara.

"Condom," Amanda says quickly.

"Condom? Who? Patton? (Amanda shakes her head no once again) Oh. Reynolds," Tamara says finally putting it together. The hearts in the room plummet.

"Oh… Well that's okay Amanda! He'll still have to go one trial and I'll get him," Barba comforts her. She nods halfheartedly and unconvincingly.

"Okay let's not worry about that right now. Can you lay on your back on that medical table so we can get this over with as soon as possible?" Tamara asks. Amanda, with the lead of Barba, reluctantly walks over to the table. She goes through the rape exam only gasping and flinching every now and then.

"Okay… All done!" She states with a side glance towards Liv. "We should check your torso now Amanda. You're almost done." She pulls Amanda up noticing that she detached herself during the rape kit.

"Amanda she's done with that. You can come back now," Liv says reassuringly. She slowly comes back, emotions playing all over her face.

"Upper?" She asks sadly.

"Upper," Tamara replies.

Together they slowly lift up her shirt over her head and she hurriedly turns so her back is to the others, soon realizing that it was a mistake. "Back first please," She whispers, then turns her head to see why she hasn't started yet and notices them all staring at her.

"Oh honey. (Amanda flinches at the word) Let's treat those and anything else before we talk about what happened there okay?" Olivia says. Amanda just nods. Tamara slowly gets the cream that she needs out and finds antibacterial spray. Nick looks in the window and is horrified at what he sees. On Amanda's back is an assortment of gashes, some healing and some still bleeding.

"What did he use on her?" He asks out loud.

"My guess is a whip of some kind," Munch replies thoughtfully, "That must've hurt so badly. Poor girl." They all try to distract themselves so they don't invade Rollins' privacy.

Tamara slowly cleans her gashes out and applies the cream, causing Amanda to flinch. Once all of the blood is cleaned off, the others in the room are ambushed with an array of black and blue all over her back. Once Tamara is all done with Amanda's back she asks him to turn around. They are met with another horrific site on the front. Tamara cleans the blood and dirt off of front and is taken aback at the cuts on her side and her arm.

"Olivia? What do these say?" Tamara asks which causes Barba to look to the other side of her due to the fact that she was holding his hand in a vice grip. Olivia steps closer and tries to decipher what it says.

"One on her arm says 'C.P.' and the other one on her arm says 'WHORE'. And I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure the one going all up her side says 'you're mine'? Is that right Amanda?" She looks up to see Amanda nod with tears in her eyes.

"So… what? First, what would C.P mean? And second, why did he do it?" Tamara asks.

"C.P stands for Charles Patton I'm pretty sure. As for why he did it? I don't know…" Olivia says, trailing off.

"I know," Barba starts, "He wants her to always remember him, to never move on. Whenever she looks at herself she'll be reminded of him and what she went through. She'll never forget," He states, not able to continue.

"Oh my god. He didn't just do it to harm her. He branded her," Olivia states, finally realizing how far ahead this man, who is the spawn of Satan, thought.

"She's never going to feel safe because of the last message. 'You're mine' tells her that she's not safe and that he owns her," She continues. They all look at each other with completely hopeless eyes. Olivia looks out the window towards the men and lets the tears roll down her face and they look back wondering what has happened.

"She's always going to see that and feel like a slave," Tamara adds.

"_She's _right here, _she _is a whore, and _he does own her_," Amanda says 100 percent convinced it was true.


	12. Chapter 12

**So sorry guys. I've had this written and totally forgot to post it. Now commence the hatred of me and my forgetfulness and procrastination**

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**Chapter 12**

They all stared at her in shock and silence, too scared to say anything, too sad. Amanda just looks down at her arm and traces her fingers over the cuts that spell 'WHORE'. Rafael reaches out slowly and grabs her hand, stopping her. She looks up at him and he looks straight back.

"Stop. Don't do that. What is written on you is NOT true and I don't want to hear you say or think otherwise. You will never be a slug orbs whore in my eyes, nothing other than a strong detective," He says still holding her eyes with his.

"That's not true. I am a whore. We all know that I deserve to be treated like he treats me. I deserve it for having no self-control with my gambling and not being good enough for the victims. I'm not like Olivia, I can't make them feel better and I'm not strong enough to get through this. I can't. He owns me. I don't get to have my screwed up life back just to screw it up more and ruin other people's lives," She plainly states.

"Amanda you don't deserve it, no one does-"

"I do."

"No you don't. What if this happened to Kim? Would she deserve this?"

"No..."

"Well why not Amanda? She got into drugs and drinking. She caused trouble for herself. Why, if she screwed up her own life, would she not deserve it?"

"Because it wouldn't have been her fault! She didn't mean to get mixed up with drugs and stuff and she wouldn't have purposefully invited him into her life. She wouldn't want him to do that to her, she wouldn't have asked for it," Amanda yells at Barba.

"Exactly," He just states searching her eyes, "So why is it your fault? You didn't ask for it. You didn't purposefully invite him into your life, he's your boss, he was forced into your life and you didn't ask for him to do it. You didn't want him to do that to you and you didn't mean to fall into gambling. That started after the first rape right?"

"Yeah but-"

"No buts. That was his fault, never yours. He will always be at fault. He's a bastard!" He starts getting louder by the end and notices her growing unease at the raising of his voice.

"I don't know..." she says.

"And Amanda you are a one of a kind detective," Olivia starts quietly trying to calm Amanda, "You somehow pushed through what happened to you and helped countless victims. As far as I'm concerned you're much stronger than I am. I've never been through what you have and to be honest, if I had I probably wouldn't have been able to do as well as you. You are so much stronger than you think you are. You have helped countless victims and you were great with them. They trusted you. And Patton does not own you. You are not owned and you are not a piece of property. Believe me please."

"Thanks," Amanda says with a tiny smile her eyes briefly catching Olivia's.

"Okay. Do you want to take a break? Then we can go over your story. Is that all right?" Barba asks, giving her a choice.

"Can I walk around a bit and go to the bathroom?" She asks as if she needs permission from them.

They all go to the door slowly because of Amanda's injuries and Warner opens it to walk out. Amanda is the last one out, still holding on to Rafael's hand which doesn't go unnoticed by Nick, and anxiously looks around the room.

"Hey Rollins nice to see you! It's been awhile hasn't it? I've missed you," Cragen says with affection.

"Hey cap'n I've missed you too," She replies.

"Oh I doubt that. There's no way you could've missed that old fart there. He's far too annoying and rule following and did I mention that he was old?" Munch says trying to get a smile out of Rollins and is successful.

"Oh be quiet Munch," Cragen replies with a smile.

"You see Amanda? Always ruining my fun," Munch says with a fake gasp and sadness. The whole room is pleasantly surprised when they hear a slight giggle escape her mouth, making them extremely happy.

"May I go to the bathroom?" She asks Rafael.

"Yes Amanda. You don't need to ask permission," he replies letting go of her hand.

"Yes sir, sorry sir," She says, her eyes trained on the floor.

"No need to apologize Amanda. You did nothing wrong," He replies casting a worried glance towards Olivia. Amanda doesn't answer, just walks over to the bathroom door. Just as she reaches the handle she handle she hesitates then turns around.

"Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"Do you mind helping me? You don't have to if you don't want to. Never mind it was a stupid question," She says quickly cursing herself for making herself seem weak.

"Amanda it's okay. I want to help. Will you let me?" Olivia says calmly walking towards Rollins with her hand out for Amanda to take. They go inside leaving the men and Warner outside to discuss what has happened.

"Okay Amanda what do you need help with?"

"Please just stay where I can see you?"

"Okay. Sure thing Amanda," she says letting go of Amanda's hand to let her walk to the bathroom but Amanda quickly grabs back on.

"Please don't leave," Rollins whispers her eyes full of agony, "please just hold my hand so I know you're staying and not telling him he can come back in!"

"Okay Amanda. It's okay. I'll hold your hand. And don't worry I will NEVER let him near you again. It's a promise," She says to try and calm the blonde detectives nerves.

"They slowly trudge towards the toilet and Olivia notices how Amanda starts shaking once they pass the showers. Olivia hears Rollins muttering and bends down slightly to hear better.

"No showering. Please no showering. Please. Olivia's here. I won't have to go in the showers. She won't make me. I hope. Unless they do think I deserve it and he's waiting in there. What if he's in there? They think I'm lying!" She mutters softly growing increasingly anxious.

"Amanda!" Olivia says loudly breaking her out of her trance, "He's not in there. Don't worry. You don't have to shower. We don't think you're lying and will never give you to Patton. EVER. Okay?" Amanda nods unconvincingly, "Okay then let's get you to the toilet so we can get out of here faster."

"Amanda, do you want to relax a little more or do the statement now?" Rafael asks.

Amanda glances at Nick and says quietly, "Can we stay out here a little longer?" Nick notices how she looked at him and does a happy dance in his head but doesn't go any closer to her. Amanda shuffles over to her desk and sits down looking the most comfortable there since they found her.

"Soon we'll have you back here and working with us again right?" Fin asks her.

"She has to come back. She's the best we got," Nick replies smiling at her.

"Hopefully," Amanda replies casting a nervous glance at Olivia.

"As soon as you're better and have a clean bill of health I don't see a reason why you can't come back," She replies with a warm smile. Amanda smiles widely at this and everyone's hearts soar.

"Good" She says almost to herself as if she doesn't believe it.

'_Am I even allowed to have people trust me help and protect them when I can't even do that for myself? I'm not good enough or worthy for that.'_

"I'm glad. It will be great to have my Georgia Peach back and working with me," Fin says practically grinning from ear to ear. His comment has a negative impact though because Amanda jerks backwards as if someone shot her.

"Don't," She suddenly whines out and stumbles backwards.

"Don't what Amanda? Don't do what? What's wrong?" Olivia asks.

"Please don't say that. Don't call me that," Rollins practically whispers while falling to the ground and curling into a ball.

"Amanda what's happening? What did we do?" Rafael asks while walking towards her which causes her to gasp and scramble backwards.

"No. No please don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I won't do it again. Please don't use the fire. Please," She begs while rocking back and forth with her eyes closed.

"Manda, we aren't gonna hurt you. No fire. I promise. We are here in the station. It's me. Fin. You trust me right? We won't hurt you. You aren't with him anymore. Come back to us. You're not in danger," Fin says with a soft voice.

Amanda continues to rock back and forth so Rafael slowly moves towards her again. At the last moment, before she realizes that he's close and moves away, he bends down and wraps her in his arms and continues rocking with her. Once her mind registers that someone is touching her she begins hitting him and screaming.

"Let me go! Please don't do this!" He just holds onto him while she freaks out and whispers soft, soothing words to her. After about 10 minutes she calms down enough to realize that she is not back with Patton and that she's safe. She slowly stops rocking and falls into Barba and buries her face into his chest. She cries, too embarrassed and scared to look at anyone in the room.

"I- I'm sorry Amanda. I didn't know, I didn't-" Fin starts but trails off because he doesn't know what to say.

"S'okay" She mumbles from her safe cocoon in Rafael's arms. Nobody says anything for a while just trying to give Amanda some space and time to get her thoughts together. Suddenly they hear her mumble something into Barba's shirt so low that even he couldn't hear it.

"What was that?" Amaro asks quietly causing Amanda to jump at the new voice.

"It's not his fault," She replies though no one knows if she's talking about Fin or Patton. She looks down to her borrowed shirt and plays with a thread until she realizes what she's doing.

"Oh my god Liv! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to ruin your shirt!"

"It's alright Amanda I don't care. It's old anyways," she says warmly.

"I'm not allowed to ruin my clothes. That's not allowed," She quietly says.

"Amanda you don't have to follow Patton's rules anymore. He's not here," Barba says. Amanda opens her eyes widely realizing what she said.

"But it's not his rule," She replies kind of out of it.

"Whose is it then?" He asks. Amanda just blanks out and goes to another place before jumping up.

"Um, can we just do the statement?" She asks quickly and goes as fast as she can towards Liv's room.


	13. Chapter 13

**I am so sorry, yet again, that I haven't posted in awhile. I always have them written out but I'm just too lazy to type it up :))) Anyways here you go, Chapter 13!**

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**Chapter 13**

"Amanda, whose rule?" Olivia asks once she meets her inside.

"It's nothing. Nothing-forget about it," She whispers glancing down. Everyone goes silence for a few minutes

"Can you tell us? Please?" Olivia asks, very concerned but Amanda just shakes her head, eyebrows furrowed as if she's thinking of something bad.

"Okay… let's get your statement then?" Rafael asks to which she glances towards him with a frown and conflicted eyes and nods.

"Okay. Let's start at beginning. That's when he kidnapped you from the bar correct?" He asks and Amanda shakes her head much to the despair of the others in the room.

"What!? When was it?" Olivia asks, feeling guilty for not paying more attention to her junior detective.

"He came back a few days before the bar incident… I was dozing off after a hard case on my couch and woke up to being pushed up against my temple. It was a gun," she whispers, "He told me how he was going to get his revenge and torture me, I never thought he would take me there…" She spaces out thinking about the bunker.

"Amanda… Come back," Olivia says quietly.

"What? Oh, yes. Sorry. Where was I?" She asks looking at Barba with blank eyes.

"It's completely fine Amanda. You were telling us what he said to you while he had the gun to your head…" He replies.

"Hmmm… I tried to call someone, I think it was Olivia the first night, but her took my phone away and slapped me," She brings her hand up to her face as if reliving that moment. Olivia reaches out to comfort her but Amanda can't stand the thought of being touched right now and scoots away.

"He kept telling me how ya'll wouldn't believe me because I lied to you before and then he threw my phone, making it crack. He tried to bring me to my bedroom and I fought him but then everything went black… Next thing I knew I woke up and I was on my bed with my arms and legs tied to it," Slowly one of her hands wraps around her other wrist lightly pulling at it.

"I tried to get free but he was sitting there in my chair. It was 3:31… but he said something about how he already had his fun with me while I was out causing me to notice the cuts, slashes really, and bruises all over my body and that I was naked. He slowly got up, walked over to me, punched me in the gut, and got on top of me. He wrenched my legs apart and pushed himself inside of me, dry. He kept saying how he would take care of me and treat me like a real man should. I passed out while he was alternating between his fingers and his-his...thing. I woke up to him yelling at me to go to work and not tell anyone. That was the second day I came in late with bruises, again, and lied, again, to everyone who should be able to trust me but can't," She says looking away from them.

"We aren't mad Amanda. We understand why you lied. It's okay," Olivia comforts her.

"No. I let this happen. I could've, **SHOULD'VE**, stopped it."

"No," Rafael just tells her, "So you went to work then came home and then what happened?"

"I went home hoping that he would've left, that my punishment was over but he was there, with Patton, waiting to do more to me. They kept calling me 'peach' and 'darlin'' as they attacked me and dragged me to the bedroom, threw me onto the bed, forced me to… put them in my mouth, so far that I threw up and was punished for it. They took turns all night. The **whole **night," She slowly trails off.

"But you still came to work the next day correct?"

"Yes, and I couldn't do anything right that day. Then we went to the bar… and he showed up there, while I was with them..."

"I'm sorry we didn't stop him Amanda, we were just scared he would shoot you and kill you," Olivia tells her.

"Might've been worth the risk. Dying would've been better," she mumbles.

"No Amanda. We would have been so much worse off without you and we NEVER would've forgiven ourselves," Olivia states.

"Hmmmm," is all that Amanda says.

"What happened next Amanda," Barba asks.

"Umm I-I fought back and h-h-he, he (sighs) he threatened everyone in the squad room before he threw me in the v-v-va… in there," she finishes with her voice cracking. Barba looks up once he noticed her struggling to speak to find her twitching and shaking all over. He glances towards Olivia and they have a silent conversation.

"Do you want to take a break Amanda? Get some water or something maybe?" Barba asks to which he gets a shake of the head. Olivia still gets Amanda some water anyways and hands it to her. Amanda reaches for it but struggles, her shaking hands making the water in the cup spill out. Olivia reaches out, grabs the water, and tilts it up to her waiting mouth, helping her drink.

"Are you ready?" Barba asks and Amanda slowly and jerkily nods her head, "Okay, so once you were in the van what happened?" Both of the colleagues in the room notice Amanda sink even more into the couch as she brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

"He quickly chained me to a pole in the- in there, then knocked me out so I didn't know where we ended up. I woke up in a dark room. No light. No sounds. No windows. Just dark. All dark…"

"Amanda?"

"Huh? Oh. Right. Ummmm he took me into the room and hooked me to some chains that were hanging from the ceiling. He hung me up so high that my feet couldn't touch the ground. My shoulders burned and felt like they were popping out of place. All I remember before he left again was him telling me he was getting supplies to have fun to play with." By now she is shuddering profusely which is quite obvious to Rafael and Olivia.

"Do you want to take a break?" Olivia asks her.

"Yes can I go smoke please?"

"Melinda said you couldn't Rollins… I'm sorry. Just not for a couple days… just until we know you're for sure okay." Amanda just nods her head, still shaking, giving the floor a death glare and fidgeting with her hands.

"Okay. Let's just keep going then…" Amanda says.

"So when you woke up what happened?" Rafael asks.

"I woke up because my legs were stinging and I looked down to see Patton slicing my leg with a knife. Oh its fine Olivia, it didn't really hurt that bad after a few seconds and after the other things he did to me. I would rather take that pain over what came next," She says after noticing Olivia getting upset.

"What happened next Amanda?" Rafael asks shakily not really wanting to hear what his friend went through.

"He punished me for being a disgrace, a slut, a whore, he punished me for my lack of self-control, saying I needed to repent for my disgustingness…" She trails off thinking about how he was right.

"What did he do to punish you?" Rafael asks seeing that she thinks Patton was right but he believes it's best to just get through it as fast as possible.

"He stripped all of my clothes off. H-he got a-a knife and a metal bar out. He spent some time just carving into me, reciting my wrong doings, and saying that every time he cut me it was what everyone else wanted to do with me. He said he was healing me…"

"And the metal bar?"

"He left the room for a few minutes and came back with the end of it glowing… red… hot… He stuck it in a fire. Then he poked me all over with the searing hot metal. Next he tried to kiss me and I refused so he punished me more by making the carvings… Then I was just so so tired. I'm sorry I didn't fight hard enough to stop him. He forced me into it again. That one was all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm a disgrace. A detective who can't even protect herself and she's supposed to protect others." By now her eyes are staying closed because she's too ashamed to look at them.

"It's not your fault Amanda. But we got you out of there so you're safe now," Olivia tells her.

"I'll never be out of the Bunker. I'm stuck there. Forever."

"No, Amanda. Stop, that's not true. It was not your fault, it makes sense that you were tired. We will pull you up from that dark place all together," Olivia quickly says.

"You can't," Amanda just says, looking down.

"Okay we will talk about this later but, Amanda, what happened next?" Barba asks.

"Um, he uh, got the whip… it was really big," She trails off muttering incoherently.

"I know this is hard but the faster you'll be done. Okay?" Barba asks while placing his hand on hers.

"Okay. He um, he took it. Hit it against my back reciting my wrong doings with each whip. I never knew he was such a "noble" man," She says with air quotes.

"He's not a noble man Amanda. He's a sick, sick motherfucking bastard," Barba says sternly and Amanda looks up at his harsh choice of words.

"Okay. So it looks like he did it a lot… Did you pass out?" Amanda nods, "Okay then what did he do?" Rafael asks.

"He, he um, he waited until I woke up then poured alcohol on my slashes. Then he took me to the sh-sh-showers to clean off," she says, her voice slowly falling to a whisper. Olivia realizes that she is finally going to realize what happened that was so bad in the showers. She grabs Amanda's hand comfortingly and Rollins starts bawling.

"Amanda, I'm so sorry this happened and I know it doesn't make you feel better to talk about it now but it WILL get better and you're not there anymore. We will protect you," Olivia says patting Amanda's hand.

"Can you continue?" Barba asks. She nods her head and continues while shaking.

"We went to the shower in the bu- in the room. He turned on the water, all of the way up, and told me to get in. It-it was so hot. I tried to turn it down because it was scalding my back but he grabbed my wrist. It felt like he was crushing it. He then elbowed me in the stomach and pulled my hair back, punched me in the face and held my face under the water," she states while bringing her hand softly to her face. "Then he pushed me up against the shower wall and "washed" me with the soap. He was undressed already and he lathered me with the soap and caressed my-my-" she choked on her words and indicated towards her breasts, "and he stuck the soap up my… thing," not able to bring herself to say the words.

"He then picked me off the ground and strapped me to the table. Then he carved the words into me and I guess I passed out. I think I was bleeding. Then ya'll showed up I guess," she finishes, her eyes are all blank and she fidgeting.

"I'm so sorry Amanda, so sorry," Olivia says with tears falling freely down her face.

"Okay we are all done Amanda… now who do you want to go home with?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry this took so long guys... procrastinating at its best. Anndddd I have school tomorrow so I am just _soooooo excited._**

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**Chapter 14**

Amanda is startled by this question.

"I thought I was just gonna go back to my place…" she says.

"Oh no. Your place is a crime scene and CSU made a huge mess. It looks like a tornado went through it; you know how they work," Olivia replies.

"You can go with me, Olivia, or anyone else that you would feel safe with," Barba tells her. Amanda sits there for a minute contemplating her choices.

"Ummm… I think I'll be fine on my own. I don't need anyone to care after me like I'm some little bird with a broken wing and they feel morally obligated to. I don't wanna put that on anyone," she starts to continue but Rafael puts his hand over hers slowly.

"Amanda, we don't feel like we are obligated or are being forced to. we genuinely want to help and support you. You can come home with me if you want? I would be very happy to invite you into my house. I have an extra room you could stay in if you're comfortable with that. Or you could go stay with Olivia if that makes you feel safer. It's your choice but I think it would be more comfortable to go with a girl…" He trails off to let Amanda decide who she wants to go with.

"Um, I think- can I go with Nick?"

"Are you sure Amanda?" Olivia asks, surprised.

"Yeah, yeah I think so," Amanda replies. Olivia and Rafael approve of her choice and decide that it would be fine because they both know what has been transpiring between the two younger detectives. She sits in a wheelchair and they wheel her out of the office and up to Nick's desk.

"Hey Nick. If it's okay with you, Amanda would like to go home with you," Rafael says while Amanda tilts her head down to hide behind her hair. She peeks through her hair to take in Nick's reaction. Nick is surprised by this because he had assumed that his girlfriend would have wanted to go home with Rafael since he seemed to make her calm.

"Yeah. That's more than fine with me. I have plenty of room to spare," He replies while giving Amanda a small, loving smile. Everyone jumps up to get ready to go home.

Amanda wheels into Nick's apartment first and sits in his living room awkwardly. She turns to Nick and says, "Um, I don't know where I am supposed to sleep…"

"Well, you could sleep in the guest room, I could sleep in the guest room and you could get the big bed, or any sort of combination you want. Whichever makes you the most comfortable." Amanda doesn't reply and slowly wheels over to Nick's bedroom, stopping at the door to turn back and look at him.

"Cou-Could you stay with me? Only if you want to though. You don't have to," She says to him and proceeds to wheel into the room. Nick slowly and tentatively moves towards the room and finds her already snuggled under the big covers.

"Amanda?" he questions to which she replies with a grunt.

"Don't you want to eat? I know that you didn't eat at the station and I don't know if-" He cuts himself off before he mentions the bunker, "I just think you should try to eat and drink something." His only reply is the barely noticeable shake of the head.

"Amanda you need to eat something," he pleads.

"Please Nick. Just not tonight. I'm tired and I just want to sleep," she whines. Nick looks at her and notices that he can barely see her outline under the blanket because she's so skinny. She looks like she is being swallowed up by the bed to never return.

"Fine Amanda, but I am making you eat breakfast in the morning" Amanda doesn't reply and just snuggles deeper into her covers. Amaro just sighs and makes some dinner hoping the smell would lure Amanda out, which he realizes after awhile is a lost cause. After he's gotten ready for bed and climbed into it she scoots closer and snuggles into his chest. He wraps his arms around her gently, being careful not to wake her up, and falls asleep, smiling.

Nick is jostled awake by some movement but decides that it's just Amanda shifting in her sleep. But as the movements continue and grows worried and opens his eyes to see Amanda struggling in her sleep. Before he can reach to her to try and console her sleeping form, she lets out an ear piercing scream. Nick's senses go into overdrive and he has her in his arms in less than a second.

"Amanda. Amanda! Wake up love, wake up!" He says gently while lightly shaking her.

"You're having a nightmare! Please wake up!" He begs. He's still holding her in his arms when she suddenly wakes up.

"G-get away from me! Get off of me! Please! Please leave me alone! Please go away Patton. I never did anything to you," She screams.

"Amanda! It's me! It's Nick! I wont hurt you, I promise," he tries to get her to realize what is going on. She slowly comes around to realize that it's Nick and she jumps out of bed.

"Nick, I'm sorry! So sorry," she whispers and then runs into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. Nick sits on the bed dumbfounded by what happened. He slowly walks up to the door, leans against it, and softly knocks on it.

"Amanda are you okay?" he asks as he hears her crying through the door, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Amanda just curls into a ball on the floor and cries.

"Amanda please let me in so I know that you're okay," he pleads. He doesn't receive a reply and instead hears Amanda moving around in the bathroom. Nick walks away from the door a little bit so he can call Liv without Amanda hearing. Inside the bathroom Amanda is opening the cabinets looking for anything to help her feel better.

'_Why am I here? He probably can't even look at me anymore. I am so disgusting. Why would anyone want to be around me? I'm a filthy, dirty whore and a slut. I don't deserve to be here, I have lied to them. I should either be with Patton or dead instead. That's what I deserve. I can't be around him or anyone. They don't want me here. No one does.' _She thinks to herself.

Then she finds the razor.

On the other side of the door, Nick is trying to figure out a way to coax Amanda out of the room when Olivia picks up.

"Benson," she answers.

"Olivia? I need you to get over here now!" He says frantically. Olivia immediately hops out of bed and throws some clothes on.

"Nick what's wrong?" she asks in a rushed voice while running out of her front door.

"Amanda had a nightmare and thought that I was Patton when she first woke up! After she realized it was me, she jumped out of bed and locked herself in the bathroom. I don't know what she is doing because she wont talk to me but I could hear her moving around a minute ago. It sounded like she was going through my cabinets. Just get here as fast as you can!"

"Okay Nick I have already left my house. I'll be there as soon as possible," she replies trying to keep both herself and Nick calm.

Olivia arrives at Nick's house and sees him standing at the door trying to convince Amanda to come out.

"Nick," she whispers, "What's going on? Has she said anything?"

"She hasn't answered me. I have no idea what's going on. This is really worrying me."

"Here. Let me try," Liv gently nudges Nick to the side as she walks up to the door and then hears Amanda sobbing quietly.

"Amanda, sweetie? Can you open the door for me? I know you're scared and upset right now but we need to make sure that you're okay. You have every right to be scared and feel like you can't trust anyone right now but we wont hurt you! You can trust us with all of your being. Please come out?" Olivia doesn't get a reply so she tries again.

"Amanda do you want to talk with Nick? Will that help with everything and convince you to come out?"

"NO! I don't want him to be here! Please send him away! Please!"

"Okay okay Amanda! I'll send him away," Olivia turns to Nick but still speaks loud enough for Amanda to hear, "Nick could you please go to the other room?" She looks at him apologetically when she notices how defeated he looks.

"Actually Olivia I was feeling like taking a walk anyways so I think I'll do that," He replies, trying to make Amanda feel as comfortable as possible. He walks out the door.

"Okay Amanda, he's gone. Can you open the door now please?

"Please don't be mad at me Liv. Don't punish me for what I have done," she begs.

"Amanda I won't. I promise I won't harm you in any way. Just come out so I can make sure you're okay," Olivia replies nervously.

Amanda slowly opens the door and peeks out from behind it.

"Amanda? Just come out the door. I promise I won't be mad at you or hurt you. I won't punish you," Olivia says quietly while stepping back to give Amanda some room to come out. Amanda comes out from behind the door and hides her arms in her long sleeves.

"Now Amanda, let's go sit on Nick's couch okay?" Olivia asks. Amanda just nods her head, not making any noises at all. They slowly make their way to the living room.

'_She really shouldn't be walking with those burns on her feet and that sprained ankle. I'll be sure to get her back in that wheelchair.' _Olivia thinks to herself after noticing Amanda limping.

"Do you want to tell me what happened Amanda?" she asks the young detective softly, looking into her eyes.

"I just had a bad dream," Amanda says quickly while averting her eyes.

"Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"No!"

"Well why did you run away from Nick and hide in the bathroom?" Olivia asks deciding to discuss the nightmare another time.

"I freaked him out. I thought he was Patton. He thinks I'm a disgusting freak and a slut. And after my freakout about Patton he probably thinks that I am an insane psycho… who would want to be around me?" she asks the last part mostly to herself.

"Amanda, sweetie, he does not think any of those things, none of us do. In fact we see you as being even stronger now for being strong enough to survive and get through this. We all know what you went through and we know it wasn't your fault," Olivia says grabbing the blonde's hand. She notices that Amanda flinches but still holds her hand, knowing that she needs the comfort. Amanda just grunts.

"So what did you do in the bathroom? I heard you moving around and I just wanna know. I won't be mad at you. I promise." Amanda doesn't answer and just brings her eyes down towards her arm that is covered by her shirt.

Olivia notices, slowly reaches over, and pulls up Amanda's sleeve. What she sees makes her incredibly nervous. Olivia turns Amanda's wrist over and slowly pulls the tape from the bandage that is surrounding her wrist. She gently peels the bandage off of the young woman's arm and sees fresh cuts on her wrist that seem to still be bleeding abundantly. Looking closer, Olivia notices some older scars that are hard to see easily.

"Amanda?" Olivia asks, slowly looking up towards the woman's face. However, Amanda has her face turned away and looking into space. Olivia realizes that Amanda looks very afraid.

"I am not mad sweetie. You're not gonna be punished, I promised you and I keep my promises. But can you tell me why you did this?" Amanda doesn't answer, just shakes her head.

"Please tell me, I'm begging you. I just want to understand," Olivia pleads.

"I was just upset and angry at myself for freaking out over nothing and being mean to Nick," she replies.

"Okay but there's no reason for you to be mad at yourself. It's a normal response. Now I notice that there are sommelier scars… Can you tell me when those are from?"

"When I was younger I guess…" Amanda replies evasively.

"Like how young?" Olivia asks concerned.

"Like fifteenish maybe." Olivia is surprised at Amanda's moment of complete honesty at the moment and decides to act on it.

"Why Amanda?"

"Because he hurt me," she whispers.

"Who Amanda? Who hurt you when you were younger? Was he the one who made up the rules?" Olivia asks, scared to know the answer.

"He was-" Amanda is cut off by Nick walking through the door.

She quickly pulls down her sleeve and curls up, scared.

"Who Amanda?" Olivia asks again, giving Nick a dirty look. Amanda doesn't answer, just squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head.

"Hey Amanda. You feeling better? Wanna try going back to sleep?" Nick asks while walking towards his girlfriend but she shrinks back into the couch and starts to shake. Olivia notices and moves closer to her while giving Nick a look telling him to move away. He slowly backs up, a hurt look on his face, and Amanda noticeably becomes calm.

"Nick… I think that we should maybe have Amanda come back to my house and stay there," Olivia says thinking it would help Amanda be more comfortable. She shoots Nick an apologetic look as she asks, "Is that okay Amanda?" Rollins just nods awkwardly feeling too guilty to look at Nick."

"It's completely fine with me Amanda. As long as you're comfortable with where you are that makes me happy," Nick tells her lovingly.

"Okay Amanda. Let's pack your stuff and get you ready to go," Olivia says quickly while helping her to her wheelchair.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

In the car Olivia continues to look over at the silent girl, wanting nothing more than for her to open up so Liv wasn't so worried.

"Amanda? Amanda? Rollins!" Olivia raises her voice a big to get the young detective's attention.

"Huh?" Amanda snaps out of her gaze, grunting, and glances at Olivia.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asks to which she is answered with a shrug.

"You wanna grab something to eat? I was told you never ate dinner," she asks, careful to avoid any mention of Nick. Amanda just answers with the slight shake of her head.

"Amanda... you really need to eat. Frannie is at my house, I know she would want you to eat and take care of yourself so you could give her the proper love she deserves," Olivia says, feeling bad about trying to guilt the girl but realizing it needed to be done. The seasoned detective glances at the blonde trying to decipher her feelings.

Amanda sighs and says, "Fine. But just for Frannie."

"Great," Olivia replies and drives to get Amanda's favorite take-out.

The two detectives arrive at Olivia's apartment carrying the food and Amanda's bag. Frannie Mae runs up to the blonde and starts jumping all over her.

"Hi baby girl. I missed you so much," Amanda coos to her dog. Olivia glances at the young woman and notices that she's smiling.

"Look how happy she is to see you! She really has been missing you," Olivia tells her. Amanda doesn't reply and just continues to give her pup some smooches.

"How about we eat now Amanda?" Olivia asks while getting plates out of her cupboard. Amanda peeks up at Olivia through her bangs and just shrugs. Olivia continues to set the table for both of them. Amanda peeks up at Olivia, using her bangs as a cover, and shrugs.

"Well c'mon Amanda. You promised me… For Frannie," Olivia guiltily convinces her. Amanda slowly rises up and walks towards the table; her hair falling over her face and her large sleeves covering her hands. The blonde sits down at the table with her hands in her lap. Olivia starts dishing out food onto both of their plates, refusing to let Amanda weasle her way out of eating.

"Eat up Amanda," Olivia states while pushing the food towards her. The young detective slowly picks up the food on her fork and, after hesitating, brings it to her mouth. Olivia watches as the girl takes a few meager bites and then stops.

"Amanda… please eat more. You need your nutrition and strength," She pleads. Amanda takes another bite and chokes it down before starting to cry.

"I can't Olivia. I can't," Amanda cries out.

"I know you don't feel like it Amanda but you need to."

"Olivia, please. I can't! All I can taste is him. When I eat it's just him inside my mouth and I can taste it! I just can't!" Amanda pleads.

"Okay Amanda. You've eaten enough for right now but we need to try again later. Okay?" Amanda nods her head shakily in reply.

"Can-can I go to your couch please?" The blonde asks.

"Yes Amanda, you can. You don't have to ask. Just make yourself at home. There are some blankets in the cabinet underneath the TV. I'm just going to clean up the food," Olivia replies.

"Oh, I didn't mean to be rude! I can help you clean that up," Amanda replies feeling incredibly guilty.

"Nonsense Amanda, you're my guest. It's my job as a host to do the housework. Go sit down okay?" Olivia insists. Amanda begrudgingly trudges towards the couch.

Once Olivia finishes cleaning up the table and kitchen, she joins the young woman on the couch.

"So Amanda… I think we should continue our talk from earlier," Olivia hesitantly says. Amanda doesn't reply, just plays with the loose thread on her shirt.

"Can we discuss this Amanda? You were about to tell me who hurt you and made up the rules when you were younger?"

"I don't wanna talk about it Liv. I'm not allowed to. I'll get in trouble," Amanda replies quietly.

"But Amanda he was only around when you were younger. He can't hurt you now," Olivia says gently. Amanda doesn't answer and quickly glances at Olivia before looking away.

"Right, Amanda?" Olivia asks nervously.

Amanda shrugs and replies, "He could come back, show back up… he told me so."

"Who is he Amanda? Please tell me so I can help you."

"Liv. Please don't make me talk about him! PLEASE! I can't… I can't."

"Okay Amanda. Maybe we can try later or tomorrow when you're rested up and full?" Olivia suggests. Amanda nods hesitantly and scratches at her wrist. Olivia notices Amanda picking at the bandage and realizes she needs to clean her cuts.

"Amanda can I look at your wrist? I think we should clean it to make sure it doesn't get infected. Then you could maybe explain to me why you did the old ones?" Olivia asks.

Amanda nods her head and replies, "Maybe…"

"Okay Amanda. Let's go to the bathroom to clean this up. Okay?"

"Hmmm? Okay, yeah sure. I guess we can go." Amanda replies absentmindedly. Both ladies stood from the couch and walk towards the restroom.

The detectives make it to the master bathroom and Olivia sits Amanda down on the toilet. Liv reaches into her cabinet and pulls out her first aid kit.

"Okay," Olivia sighs, "Let's get you patched up alright?" Amanda just grunts. Olivia slowly unwraps the bandage, being careful to not make the cuts bleed again. Once she gets the white gauze off of the young detective's wrist she pulls out the hydrogen peroxide.

"Okay Amanda. I'm sure you know that this will sting. I'm going to apologize in advance."

"It's quite okay Liv. I deserve it. Besides I'm sure it won't hurt as bad as other things I have been through." Olivia looks up at Amanda and gets her attention.

"Amanda you do NOT deserve to be in any form of pain. That is- excuse my language- utter bullshit. You are an amazing human being, you don't deserve to be hurt. No one does. Do you think that prostitutes deserve to be hurt? I don't think they do or that there is anything that the do that warrants that kind of punishment but others think that they are the lowest of the lows. Do you think that just because people think so horribly of them that they deserve to be hurt?"

"No."

"Well why not? Those few people tell them that they are worthless, not deserving of love. Even though there are others that believe that those prostitutes- whom they see as regular people, or friends- are amazing, wonderful people who are just trying to survive this fucked up world, they deserve to be hurt just because of those other motherfuckers?"

"No."

"Then you don't deserve to be hurt just because of those few dicks who told you that you were worthless. You aren't worthless, Amanda, you don't mean nothing. You mean so much to so many people. You deserve to be loved and taken care of. So you don't have to listen to those few people that were horribly placed in your life. You don't deserve to be hurt," Olivia finished her speech, feeling as though she tried her hardest to get her point across. Amanda just looks down, hoping Olivia can't see the tears that are forming in her eyes. Olivia decides not to say anything about it as to not embarrass the girl.

"Okay. Can we look at your wrist now?" Amanda nods, quickly glancing up at her sergeant before looking away.

Olivia slowly picks up the cleansing alcohol and gets ready to pour it on her cuts. As she's cleaning Amanda's wounds, she hears the younger detective whimper.

"Amanda it's just us here. You can let yourself be in pain. I won't judge you. You can cry or scream- be as upset as you want- I will not care," Liv tells her. Amanda still refuses to cry or let Olivia see her pain. Olivia puts the finishing touches on the blonde's arm and wraps it up.

"You want to try to eat again or talk to me about what happened?"

"Can we just go to bed Liv? I'm really tired."

"Fine Amanda but you are not gonna get out of this. We are going to have to talk about it. Wow. I didn't realize how late it was... we spent a lot of time doing all this. Let's get to bed."

They get into the bed, Olivia knowing that Amanda will need her in the night. Frannie Mae hops up on the bed and lays right beside the blonde. The bed is just big enough to hold

all of them. All three ladies slowly fall asleep.

(the next part is Amanda's dream) (Amanda's point of view)

Amanda opens her eyes to a stunning view of Central Park. While glancing around she notices Frannie Mae trotting up to her with a tennis ball in her mouth. "Hey Frannie! Wanna play catch?" Frannie barks her reply and wags her tail. Amanda laughs and says, "I'll just take that as a yes." She takes the ball from her dog's mouth and throws it as fall as she possibly can, laughing as Frannie scrambles to run after it. She is still laughing as she sits back down on the bench to enjoy the weather. Her laughing suddenly ceases however as she spots a dark figure out on the edge of the trees. He slowly begins to walk towards her, making his presence as menacing as possible. Even though his features are hidden by the cloud of darkness that seems to be creeping along with him, she knows it's him.

"St-stay away from me please. please," she pleads.

"Now Amanda, you know that a can not do that," the man says still walking towards her. The blonde just whimpers and shrinks back. 'This cannot be happening right now' she thinks to herself.

"YOU have broken many rules Amanda," he says dangerously. The monster has almost made it to her when she see a bright flash of fur hurtling towards him. Frannie attempts to attack the man but he just pushes her to the side and shoots her.

"FRANNIE NO!" Amanda screams after seeing her furry friend fall to the ground. Lifeless.

"Why would you do that? You monster!"

"Amanda, you should know why. You have broken too many rules. You do not deserve to receive privileges. So, no dog for you. That is something you need to earn from me," he replies coldly, the black cloud finally making it to the detective. He reaches out to grab her but she avoids him which makes him furious.

"YOU WILL NOT DISOBEY ME OR EMBARRASS ME ANYMORE. You filthy whore!" He yells as he yanks her hair back, causing her to look him in the eyes.

"Do you understand Mandy?" he asks.

"Yes sir. I am sorry, sir," she whispers.

"You better be you little bitch," he says as he goes to caress her face, causing her to flinch.

"Stop that. Right now! You ungrateful little slut! I have taken care of you! Treat me with respect! You deserve to be punished for this. You will be punished for breaking the rules another time. You will learn a lesson now!" He says uncomfortably calm.

"No. No! Please don't! Please," She pleads trying to back away from him.

"It's too late for that now Mandy. You MUST pay," He replies while lifting up his arm. His fist rushes towards her at an inhuman speed. The last thing she sees before blacking out is his face.

(end of dream)

Amanda bolts straight up in the bed, a scream stuck in her throat. She looks to her right and sees Olivia staring back at her with a look of fear and concern etched on her face.

"Are you okay Amanda? I was just about to wake you up; you were crying and saying 'I'm sorry in your sleep'. I'm assuming it was a nightmare?" Amanda slowly nods her head and looks to her left. She suddenly freezes.

"Amanda? What's wrong?"

"Where's Frannie? Where is my dog!?" Amanda asks with a slight tone of worry to her voice.

"I don't know Amanda."

"WHERE IS SHE?" Amanda asks, now panicking.

"FRANNIE! FRANNIE!" She yells while jumping out of the bed and running out of the room. Olivia scrambles out of her position on the bed and runs out to see the young girl on the floor practically strangling her dog to death.

"Thank you Frannie! Thank god you're okay! Thank god!" she cries out. A strangled sob escapes her mouth as Olivia slowly tries to figure out what's wrong with the girl.

"Amanda? What's wrong? What happened?" Olivia asks.

"B-bad dream is all. Something happened to Frannie and I was so afraid it was real," Amanda whispers.

"What happened to her? Why did it happen to her?"

"He killed her. He killed my baby! My sweet beautiful puppy! She didn't do anything wrong, it was my fault! I didn't follow the rules and she was just trying to protect me from him."

"What was Frannie protecting you from?" Olivia asks still confused.

"I was going to be punished for breaking his rules. He came back like he said he would. I'm not safe. I'm not safe. I'm never safe from him. I never will be," she cries.

"Amanda how was he going to punish you?" Olivia asks hesitantly, watching as her friend's face contorts into one of fear.

"It's okay Amanda. You can tell me," Olivia urges her on.

"No! Don't make me talk about it! I can't think about it! Or him! Please! Please don't make me!" she begs. Olivia watches as Amanda's face slowly turns a nasty shade of green before she sprints off to the bathroom.

Olivia arrives at the bathroom door to find it locked. She hears Amanda crying on the other side of the door as she is throwing up.

"Amanda? Are you okay? Do you need help?"

"I'm sorry Liv! I am so sorry! I got some throw up on your floor. I'll clean it up I'm so sorry. I promise I'll clean it all," Amanda cries out.

"Amanda it's okay. I'll help you clean it up. Just let me in," Olivia pleads while attempting to keep her voice calm.

"No. No. No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'msorry. No. I'm sorry," Amanda continues muttering.

"Amanda? Amanda? Amanda!" Olivia yells out but doesn't get a reply, "Amanda answer me please." Amanda just continues to mutter to herself.

"I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me. Don't punish me. I'm sorry."

Amanda do you want me to call Nick?"

"NO! I'm sorry I'm sorry. Not again. Not again."

"Okay I won't call Amaro… um… how about Barba?" Olivia asks. She hears Amanda pause her muttering for a moment but then starts back up.

"Okay I am going to call him," Olivia informs her. She calls Barba and he immediately leaves his home to speed over to Olivia's.

"Amanda. I called him and he's on his way here. Do you think you can come out now? He'll be here soon," Olivia requests. She hears the door click and slowly open. Amanda walks out with her head down, not looking at Olivia. She trudges to the couch and sits down. Olivia comes out to see the blonde staring straight ahead, devoid of emotion. Olivia attempts to get her to talk but fails so they sit in silence with Olivia stealing nervous glances at Amanda.

They stayed like that until they heard a knock at the door.

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**Sorry for taking so long on the update ya'll I've had it written for so long i just procrastinated on typing it again! :) hate me all you want but i hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**BTW i put a little hint in the story so if ya'll think you figured out who the dark figure was then put it in the reviews!**

**Also if you got my little slip in quote from The Fosters you are awesome 3**


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay so this didnt work the first time. Hopefully it works now. As I said sorry I took me so long I procrastinated and had to deal with school. Don't worry I hate me too for this. :)) sorry this is a short chapter I'm just trying to get back into the story. Hope it's okay :)**

**Chapter 16**

Amanda jumped nervously at the noise Rafael made. As Olivia rises off of the couch to greet the man she notices the young girl shifting in her seat- attempting to sink even further into the couch. Olivia reaches the door and inches it open at a pace for snails, trying to keep the other woman in the room calm.

"Hey Rafael! Amanda and I were just sitting on the couch… do you care if he joins us Amanda?" Olivia asks trying to elicit a response or reaction from her. Amanda simply curls in closer to herself and mumbles an incoherent reply.

"Ok then. I will just take that as a yes," Barba chuckles and walks towards the couch while trying to stay in the girls view the whole time.

"So Amanda. What are you up to? You okay?" he patiently waits for an answer while kneeling down in front of her knowing that the silence will force her to talk. The three adults sit in silence for what seems like hours to the blonde but is merely just a minute before the blonde starts fidgeting. Her hands move jerkily to her face as she tries to hide from the other two in the room. Rafael slowly reaches out to his young friend and lightly grabs her forearms to bring them back down carefully. The young detective flinches at his touch and then her eyes widen as if she realizes that she's made a mistake.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry. I didn't mean too- I promise. It won't happen again I swear," she hoarsely whispers.

"Hey, Amanda it's okay. I'm not mad at you, I won't hurt you, I promise you. You can trust me remember? I just want to know what happened and what has made you so upset. Do you think you could tell me?" Rafael asks, his eyes not wavering from hers. Olivia gazes on in silence careful not to disturb the trance that Barba has the young girl in.

"I had a bad nightmare. I haven't seen him in my dreams for a while," she explains quietly, her eyes attempting to escape from his look but failing.

"Who are you talking about Amanda? Patton?" she shakes her head. "Reynolds?" he is met with another shake of the head. "Someone from your childhood?" Amanda freezes but then hesitantly nods her head.

"What has he done?" Rafael asks nervously.

"He," Amanda gulps while tilting her head forward so her hair can shield her, "he hurt me."

"Is this who you were telling me about? When you said you were 15?" Olivia asks.

"Yes," Amanda barely whispers then breaks down sobbing into her hands.

Olivia and Rafael slowly look at eachother and then back at the girl. Within a second the ADA had her in his arms comforting her.

"It's okay Amanda. But you do need to tell us about it so we can help you." Amanda shakes her head and snuggles closer into Barba's blazer, gripping it tightly.

"You can trust us to help you Amanda. All we care about is your safety and your health," Olivia says comfortingly while moving to the couch.

"He found me again. I can't tell you… he'll hurt me again. He will always find me," She sobs into his chest.

"Amanda you are safe with us right here. He did not find you again, honey. That was a dream. You do know that that was a dream correct? You should talk to us so we can help you figure out what's real and what's not. Does that sound good?" Rafael asks while peering down at the blonde.

"A-are you sure it was a dream? He's really not here? You promise?" She pleads.

"I do, Amanda. I promise," he replies.

"You- you can't tell anyone if I do tell you because someone will find out and tell him."

"Amanda we won't tell a soul if we know it will put you in danger. We just want to know so that we know how to protect you," Olivia calmly whispers to her.

"Okay, I guess I might be able to tell you if you guys are truthfully telling me that you can keep this between us." She mumbles still unsure about her decision.

"Amanda I swear on my life. And I believe you know how much I care about myself," Barba replies chuckling while trying to lighten her mood a small bit. Amanda sighs and grunts out an, "Okay. But we have to make sure that we are alone and that no one will be able to hear this." Amanda instantly and surprisingly jumps up from the couch, shocking the other two adults, and slowly trudged towards the bedroom. Barba and Benson quickly hop up and walk behind her trying to take advantage of Rollins' short period of honesty and transparency.

They walk in to find her sitting on the bed grabbing a pillow to clutch onto while she tells her story.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Well why don't you start off by telling us who he is? Or was, since he won't be getting anywhere near you ever again," Olivia says attempting to calm Amanda's nerves before she starts her storyr.

"Well… I've known he was a bad man since I was young, but he wasn't always so horrible!" She adds quickly, trying to defend the man under question.

"Amanda don't try to protect him. He was doing something wrong to you and I guaratee he knew it was wrong. That's horrible for you. You can tell us. We won't judge you for what he has done and we won't do anything to him without your permission," Barba says.

"You promise you won't?" Amanda says, raising her eyes to him questioningly.

"Yes we do," Olivia says, "Now who was he to you?"

"H-he wa- is my father," She blurts out before hiding behind her hair scared of what insults are due to fly at her.

You dumb bitch. They are just going to think you are lying for attention. "You father is always correct he loves you like every real and regular father does. I know you're lying Amanda."

Amanda replays this message in her head that she received from her mother after the first time she told.

"I believe you Amanda," Rafael tells the young girl. Reminding her that he believed her and reassuring her of his faith. Amanda's head flies up at his comment. Surprised.

"You do?" She asks with her eyes wide and doe-like, glancing at Olivia. The sergeant nods her head seriously.

"I can't believe someone actually believes I am telling the truth for once," She whispers to herself incredulously.

"You shouldn't be Amanda. I trust you with my life remember? I know you are telling us the truth," Barba says catching her teary eyes.

"Can you tell us what happened and when it started?" He asks nervously.

"Well we were a happy family when I was younger. I lived a good, complete life with my sister. We were comfortable. My mom and dad loved each other, we were all taken care of. It all changed when I was eight. I woke up to hear yelling coming from downstairs. I snuck into the hall so I could understand what was happening. Apparently my dad had lost all of our money while gambling. My mom was yelling at him and he started to calm her down, I still don't know how…" She said trailing off while thinking to herself.

"Amanda?" Barba asks, "Do you need to take a break?" Rollins snaps out of it and shakes her head.

"I-I can continue. Anyways, things calmed down so I thought everything was fine and I went to bed. Throughout the next week things were calm but tense. But one night I went downstairs to have a snack and I suppose he just snapped under all of the stress we put him under. He jumped out of the chair and slammed the fridge door shut right in front of me. He started yelling at me about how I 'take everything for granted and don't appreciate all he does for his family.' He accused me of wasting food when I didn't need it and always causing problems for everyone- guess he was right about that one. I tried to defend myself by just saying that I was hungry and I didn't mean to imply anything wrong about him but he snapped again and slammed me into the wall and continuously punching me in the stomach. 'You will respect me girl. You will respect me from now on and will not tell anyone what just happened' He said to me. That was the start of it. That was the first time anything happened," Amanda says while crying, too embarrassed to meet their eyes.

"What happened after that?" Olivia risks asking.

"What do you mean?" Amanda asks while a smirk creeps onto her face, "It got worse…"


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey y'all I am once agains super ashamed and horrified that it has taken me this long to update. This is just a quick update so y'all know I haven't given up on this story. School has been crazy and is getting even crazier as it comes to a close. I hope I will be able to get you guys an update before school is over but I cannot promise anything and I apologize. Again I am SO sorry that it has taken so long for me to update. Thank you so much for reading I really do appreciate every one of you for taking time to read something I tried super hard on. **

* * *

**Chapter 17**

The room was silent after Amanda's statement. "What do you mean by that Amanda?" Olivia asks, worriedly glancing at Rafael. "I'm tired again. I wanna try to go to sleep." Amanda mumbles quietly, refusing to look at either of her fellow squad members. Olivia sighs sadly but finds herself nodding while saying, "Okay Amanda. You've had a long day. I understand. We don't have to talk about it anymore _tonight_. We will let you rest." She nods her head at Barba and they both start to stand. However a small hand on his wrist stops Barba. He looks down towards the blonde startled. "Please stay," She pleads him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Rafael can read between her lines- knowing that she is really scared of her dad coming and finding her- and knows she wants him to protect her. So he comforts her the only way he knows how. "Okay Amanda. Don't worry I'll stay here and watch all night. No one is coming in this room or anywhere remotely near you unless I say so," He replies with a smile. "Thank you," Amanda mumbles- slightly embarrassed about having to ask for help and tiredly rubbing her eyes. "Let's get you under these covers yea? You deserve a good nights sleep," Barba says gently. Rollins barely nods as she's maneuvered under her covers- never once losing her grip on Barba's hand. Olivia sense that she is no longer needed in the room so she backs out the door while saying, "I'll sleep on the couch Amanda. Make sure that nobody comes into your apartment." Benson gives Barba one last look before slowly and quietly closing the door. Barba just pulls up Amanda's armchair so he can still hold onto her hand. He doesn't care that he will probably wake up with all kinds of aches and pains from sleeping in it- as long as Amanda is comfortable. Amanda just gives him a small, closed-lipped smile with her eyes still closed. The last thing either of them register before they both drift off to sleep is Frannie Mae jumping up beside her owner to cuddle.

He wakes up to whimpers. His hand in a vice grip. A slickness surrounding the combined hands. He finally remembers where he is and why before jumping into action. He moves in closer to her and brushes her hair away from her face. "Amanda it's okay. You're safe. It's Rafael." He starts worriedly looking at the small, sweaty, shaking frame of his young friend, "You're in your apartment with me and Olivia and Frannie Mae and we are all protecting you. We all believe you. We will never leave you. You are protected and loved. Don't you fret." He continues whispering into her ear until she calms down. He sighs in triumph as he realizes that he never had to wake her from her fitful slumber. All he hears from his colleague for the rest of the night is her continually mumbling her squad members' names.

Amanda wakes up the next morning surprised that she actually slept through the whole night and slept in so late. She warmly smiles at the man sleeping haphazardly in the chair next to her bed. Amazed that someone as amazing as him has come into her life. Someone that cares enough to chase the demons away at night at the expense of their own comfort.

Her savior. Her brother. One of her best friends.

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**okay y'all ****I'm not gonna lie... I have recently become complete Rollisi trash so I cannot see myself doing Rollaro anymore. oops. sorry I just can't write it if I'm not passionate about it. So I am either gonna figure out how to get Amaro to leave and Carisi to come in (which will have a shit ton of plot holes and storyline problems but it might be worth it) or I'll just have Amaro leave and focus more on the friendships between Amanda and the others or I will maybe do a Barba/Rollins pairing?**

**Lemme know which one y'all wanna see so i can try to make it happen so you guys can enjoy my story more! :)**

**sorry for rambling and the short chapter again. Hopefully I can make a longer one soon. Much love to all.**


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